You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
