I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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