Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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