We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
