So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
