Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
