I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
