It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
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that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
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I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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