walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
be right there i have to get my cape
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
