and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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