I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
40s are totally the cure
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
