You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
