Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
