Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
