I just cut my nipple shaving
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
only you would photoshop your dick
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
