So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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