The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
