and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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