my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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