Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
