When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
a search helicopter?!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So squirting runs in the family.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
