it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
