you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
