Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
