Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
