sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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