We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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