She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just found a bag of teeth...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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