just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
