I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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