This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
