we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
