His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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