just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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