That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My vagina is officially offended.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
