Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
