You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
