i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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