When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
