Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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