I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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