Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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