i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
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I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
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I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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