he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
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Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.