So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"