you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban