I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties