saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize