just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
