I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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