All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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