I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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