Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
