I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.