Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
