Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(708): View more from Illinois

I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there

(217): View more from Illinois

Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is

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(972): View more from Texas

Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.

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(312): View more from Illinois

i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.

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(210): View more from Texas

I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(423): View more from Tennessee

All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.

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(647): View more from Ontario

I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers

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(304): View more from West Virginia

i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy

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(574): View more from Indiana

You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass

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(785): View more from Kansas

He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"

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