What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"