Texts From Last Night

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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.

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  (720): I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare. http://tfl.nu/5d0o
  Replies (3) Good night (1119) Bad night (697)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.

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  (662): When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis. http://tfl.nu/y0g4
  Replies (10) Good night (2212) Bad night (744)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien

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  (205): I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien http://tfl.nu/9idk
  Replies (31) Good night (1035) Bad night (3727)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.

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  (706): Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line. http://tfl.nu/zp2p
  Replies (15) Good night (1199) Bad night (4355)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding

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  (770): The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding http://tfl.nu/pa6f
  Replies (21) Good night (7051) Bad night (1007)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that

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  (904): I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that http://tfl.nu/s246
  Replies (4) Good night (2891) Bad night (725)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.

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  (203): Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed. http://tfl.nu/aqi9
  Replies (6) Good night (3746) Bad night (1086)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect

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  (814): Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect http://tfl.nu/4whi
  Replies (4) Good night (5406) Bad night (927)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.

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  (506): Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea. http://tfl.nu/9li0
  Replies (8) Good night (2667) Bad night (1383)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.

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  (609): don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not. http://tfl.nu/y8qj
  Replies (7) Good night (1320) Bad night (792)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap

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  (703): I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap http://tfl.nu/q0tw
  Replies (1) Good night (394) Bad night (529)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.

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  (614): By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/y4y3
  Replies (2) Good night (297) Bad night (747)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol

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  (617): I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol http://tfl.nu/guix
  Replies (3) Good night (814) Bad night (271)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...

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  (307): I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me... http://tfl.nu/hfzb
  Replies (1) Good night (540) Bad night (210)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day

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  (518): Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day http://tfl.nu/4jpm
  Replies (1) Good night (292) Bad night (164)

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