im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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