I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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