you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
