Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
