I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
