i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
