Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
