OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
